When we talk about intimacy, we often lose sight of the broad issues — which involve not just emotional confidence, but the subconscious psychological issues that draw men and women together.
One of these of course is the degree to which physical attraction is part in forming that initial spark that makes people want to get to know each other better.
Now physical attraction might be an unpopular factor – in the sense that it’s politically correct nowadays not refer to appearance – but unfortunately there is plenty of evidence to suggest that it’s still a big factor in the way that men and women are drawn to each other.
For example, the study
Reported here admitted that while physical appearance was actually an essential factor in shaping a new relationship, it actually continued to affect establish relationship such as marriage.
The investigators studied how couples, where each member’s facial attractiveness of been rated by dispassionate observers, degree of mutual attractiveness correlated with reports of marital satisfaction.
As it turned out, while we know that it’s well established that positive effects of levels of attractiveness a large part in the satisfaction you relationships, the onl association that was demonstrated in this study between the outcome in a marriage and the loves of attractiveness of the two partners was
plus that attractive husbands were less satisfied. More interestingly still, it turns out that similarity and in levels of attractiveness is no correlation to the spouses mutual satisfaction behaviour.
It was in fact, and strangely enough, the relative difference between partners level of attractiveness that appeared to be the important factor in determining whether marital behaviour is positive or negative.
To be more specific, both spouses were more positive and relationships in in marriages in which the wife was more attractive than the man, and spouses behave more negatively and relationships in which the husbands were more attractive than women now this is fascinating, and at first sight it is hard to understand.
I think it clearly has important implications for couples who are out of condition — and that might include a man whose wasters expanded over the years, and somebody perhaps who has lost muscle around his torso.
That’s one of the reasons why the Adonis golden ratio is actually such an interesting tool from mutual attraction studies: well it’s billed as a diet and weight loss program from men, the truth of the matter is that actually if physical attraction plays a critical role in partner satisfaction, then the Adonis golden ratio might offer a route to relationship satisfaction, which in turn would lead to greater intimacy.
So the study was conducted on 82 newlywed couples and the author, Benjamin Karney, made the observation that physical attractiveness matters when people are getting to know each other. What about the ongoing relationship?
So Karney asked the newlywed couples talk about their relationships, and the level of intimacy and personal issues. In fact, these personal issues could be anything — so they would certainly include things like mutual attractiveness, and people’s opinions of their spouses fitness and fatness.
So after this question was posed, the researchers left the room and watched the couples talking. And at this stage, they watched how effectively the couples discuss the issues that each of them had raised.
Some of the couples acted like a team when dealing with problems, while some of the couples denied your partner’s problems were related to them in any way. Obviously that’s a far from satisfactory outcome in a relationship that is supposed to be about intimacy, closeness in connection.
So in investigating why some couples behave differently dealing problems, they trained team of observers to rate the mutual attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 9.
And low and behold, it turned out that how attractive you are, or how attractive your partner is, determines how much help you get in solving problems, and how much are you giving solving problems.
And as mentioned above, it turned out that the husbands who are more attractive and less satisfied with the interactions — and presumably the level of intimacy — that they had with their partners.
So equally, when they looked at the less attractive husbands, they discovered something equally important — which is that less attractive husbands were more happy than the other husbands, and they were more helpful and effective and positive in assisting their wives with their problems.
And of course the other interesting point about this is that the women’s attractiveness didn’t seem to matter that you — because they were in fact actually affected by the husbands level of satisfaction. If the husbands were happy, so the wives.
The husbands were unhappy, so will the wives. In short, the wives were not as responsive sensitive to attract the husbands actually were.
And you know when you think about it, it turns out to agree with the implications of the findings which is that when men are more attractive than their wives, they may well be less invested in relationship because they potentially have more attractive alternatives open to them.