Kind and caring words from a guy who seems to have spent a lot of time learning how to deal with anxiety. Click here to find out more.
When we talk about intimacy, we often lose sight of the broad issues — which involve not just emotional confidence, but the subconscious psychological issues that draw men and women together.
One of these of course is the degree to which physical attraction is part in forming that initial spark that makes people want to get to know each other better.
Now physical attraction might be an unpopular factor – in the sense that it’s politically correct nowadays not refer to appearance – but unfortunately there is plenty of evidence to suggest that it’s still a big factor in the way that men and women are drawn to each other.
For example, the study
Reported here admitted that while physical appearance was actually an essential factor in shaping a new relationship, it actually continued to affect establish relationship such as marriage.
The investigators studied how couples, where each member’s facial attractiveness of been rated by dispassionate observers, degree of mutual attractiveness correlated with reports of marital satisfaction.
As it turned out, while we know that it’s well established that positive effects of levels of attractiveness a large part in the satisfaction you relationships, the onl association that was demonstrated in this study between the outcome in a marriage and the loves of attractiveness of the two partners was
plus that attractive husbands were less satisfied. More interestingly still, it turns out that similarity and in levels of attractiveness is no correlation to the spouses mutual satisfaction behaviour.
It was in fact, and strangely enough, the relative difference between partners level of attractiveness that appeared to be the important factor in determining whether marital behaviour is positive or negative.
To be more specific, both spouses were more positive and relationships in in marriages in which the wife was more attractive than the man, and spouses behave more negatively and relationships in which the husbands were more attractive than women now this is fascinating, and at first sight it is hard to understand.
I think it clearly has important implications for couples who are out of condition — and that might include a man whose wasters expanded over the years, and somebody perhaps who has lost muscle around his torso.
That’s one of the reasons why the Adonis golden ratio is actually such an interesting tool from mutual attraction studies: well it’s billed as a diet and weight loss program from men, the truth of the matter is that actually if physical attraction plays a critical role in partner satisfaction, then the Adonis golden ratio might offer a route to relationship satisfaction, which in turn would lead to greater intimacy.
So the study was conducted on 82 newlywed couples and the author, Benjamin Karney, made the observation that physical attractiveness matters when people are getting to know each other. What about the ongoing relationship?
So Karney asked the newlywed couples talk about their relationships, and the level of intimacy and personal issues. In fact, these personal issues could be anything — so they would certainly include things like mutual attractiveness, and people’s opinions of their spouses fitness and fatness.
So after this question was posed, the researchers left the room and watched the couples talking. And at this stage, they watched how effectively the couples discuss the issues that each of them had raised.
Some of the couples acted like a team when dealing with problems, while some of the couples denied your partner’s problems were related to them in any way. Obviously that’s a far from satisfactory outcome in a relationship that is supposed to be about intimacy, closeness in connection.
So in investigating why some couples behave differently dealing problems, they trained team of observers to rate the mutual attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 9.
And low and behold, it turned out that how attractive you are, or how attractive your partner is, determines how much help you get in solving problems, and how much are you giving solving problems.
And as mentioned above, it turned out that the husbands who are more attractive and less satisfied with the interactions — and presumably the level of intimacy — that they had with their partners.
So equally, when they looked at the less attractive husbands, they discovered something equally important — which is that less attractive husbands were more happy than the other husbands, and they were more helpful and effective and positive in assisting their wives with their problems.
And of course the other interesting point about this is that the women’s attractiveness didn’t seem to matter that you — because they were in fact actually affected by the husbands level of satisfaction. If the husbands were happy, so the wives.
The husbands were unhappy, so will the wives. In short, the wives were not as responsive sensitive to attract the husbands actually were.
And you know when you think about it, it turns out to agree with the implications of the findings which is that when men are more attractive than their wives, they may well be less invested in relationship because they potentially have more attractive alternatives open to them.
Yes, it’s absolutely true, The Adonis Golden Ratio is a diet and fitness program for men designed by an expert in male physiology called John Barban.
It promises rapid weight loss, effective body building, aerobic fitness, and good nutrition.
Let’s face it, in a world where we are all eating junk food, where we’re not taking enough exercise, and where we are very subject of stress, something like the Adonis Golden Ratio makes complete sense.
You can see how true that is by simply looking on the Internet where the question “how to lose 10 pounds“, or some variant thereof such as “how to lose 10 pounds in 12 weeks”, are some of the most common queries made in search engines!
So we know there’s a massive appetite for weight loss and diet programs. But we also know that the majority of people who go on a diet or all the weight they lose back on very rapidly. Why is this?
One of the reasons is undoubtedly that they lack support in their group – they may come from a family where eating fatty food and junk food is habitual, or they may come from an environment where exercise is not respected or treated as a good way of living… and so on and so forth.
So one of the extraordinary things about the Adonis Golden Ratio is that it allows you to take part in a community who are all extremely supportive of your objectives, and who will undoubtedly help you by offering information, tips, techniques, and strategies to help you lose weight.
Not only that, but the program actually gives you access to people within your area who you can e-mail and see if they want to meet up to form a support group for going to the gym and engaging in the activities of the Adonis program.
Now, if you’re a man who, like most men, is overweight, to a greater or lesser degree, you probably thought many times about how you might lose weight without too much discomfort or difficulty.
Certainly dieting isn’t very appealing option — and the truth of the matter is, as you know, that exercise too can be a bit off-putting.
So one of the ways that you can get over this is by signing up to the Adonis golden ratio program and downloading the apps which give you an individualized weight loss, diet and fitness regime. This is the best way to find out how to lose 10 pounds in whatever timescale you want to lose!
Before And After Pictures Of An Adonis User
You can take these to the gym on your mobile phone, or you can put them on your tablet and use them at home and privacy, as you prefer.
So I hope what you’re seeing from this very brief description of the material available is the fact that the Adonis Golden Ratio is truly revolutionary in terms of not only what it offers, but in the skill and dedication with which the material in the programme has been put together.
John Barban is one of our foremost experts in weight loss, sports science, nutritional supplementation and all the related areas of expertise. He certainly has the qualifications that backup his status as An Internet Expert!
But the point is that the reason this program has become so successful is because it works!
It works the men of all shapes and sizes, and it brings their bodies back to the most desirable shape possible for their particular build.
It isn’t about building a huge body, or as Barban puts it, “wearing a big shirt”. It’s actually about having the right body shape your size — and that’s where the concept of golden ratio comes in.
The golden ratio is particular proportion of two parts of a whole, and is said to represent the most aesthetically desirable relationship that those two objects can have.
In the case of the human body, the golden ratio is about the ratio of waist circumference to shoulder circumference, and torso length to entire body length.
So you can hardly see from this is that no matter what overall size and shape you are, you can still work to achieve a muscular, developed body form that fulfils the specifications of the golden ratio, and therefore makes you as attractive as you can possibly be within the boundaries of your body.
This a remarkable concept, really when you think about it, because most bodybuilding programs are all about putting on maximum amount of muscle.
Those are really quite false approaches to looking good, because many women find the overdeveloped physique of a bodybuilder unappealing, and there is something slightly strange about the whole desire of men to build the body that is so muscular that it looks abnormal.
You’d have to assume that there is a degree of body dysmorphic disorder at work, which is the same condition that brings people to starve themselves as in anorexia nervosa.
Even so, we digress from the subject of intimacy here — the point I want to emphasise at the end of this article is that intimacy is a lot easier when you’re not worried about what your body looks like.
It’s a sad fact that a lot of men have real concern over the size of their penis, even when women in general are actually not critical around this. And it’s also sad that a lot of men have real concern over the size of their body, and the degree of muscle that they managed to put on in their adult lives. But how many care that their size may be shortening their lives? (Reference here.)
Stop worrying about it, do something simple and easy for yourself: buy into the Adonis Golden Ratio, and what you’ll find is that your confidence grows as your body develops into its optimum form.
Well, the good news is that the Adonis golden ratio doesn’t involve any steroids whatsoever, and in fact if you buy the Adonis golden ratio what you can find is that it is the most practical scheme from losing weight, achieving an ideal male body shape, and becoming much more attractive to women ever devised.
The Adonis golden ratio is a system that is being developed by John Barban, a man who has spent his entire life working in the field of male development, supplement nutrition, and advising large companies on male physiology and sports science.
In short, if you are looking to achieve a better body shape, or lose weight, or get fit, or any combination of these male disciplines, the Adonis golden ratio is the only system that I would recommend! you can check it out here - How men can lose weight fast.
The feelings that a man or woman experiences in the body during sexual climax are related closely to the genital responses of the individual concerned.
So, rather obviously, the sensations of vaginal or uterine contractions and the sensations of ejaculation are unique to men and women respectively. (Oh, yes, female ejaculation is real. And a man can make a woman come (click here to find out how) in a powerful orgasm complete with with female ejaculation!)
How To Make A Woman Come
However, apart from those specific differences, much research has demonstrated that men and women feel orgasm — or at least they describe their experience of orgasm — in very diverse ways, with no consistent factors in the descriptions of either men or women.
So men, when you make a woman come, when you bring her to orgasm, it may be very similar to how it feels when a woman brings you off!
Indeed, a mixed group of women and men will produce written descriptions of their experience of orgasm which are indistinguishable once the factors specific to either sex (such as vaginal contractions or ejaculation) are removed. And the coital alignment technique is a reliable way to make a woman come. Check it out here.
One consistent aspect of the descriptions of how it feels for a woman when a man makes a woman come is an increase in muscular tension and its release at the moment of climax.
Another common thread in the descriptions of the experience of orgasm is reference to creating some state of altered consciousness, perhaps even a virtual loss of consciousness. If you’re a man who’s made a woman come, you will probably have seen this.
Orgasm frequency is diminished by ill health, of that there is no question, and one of the most pernicious things that interferes with it is acid reflux and hiatal hernia. Therefore, knowing how to stop the symptoms of a hiatal hernia, by, for example, avoiding certain foods is a great way to enjoy your sex life more.
Check out heartburn dietary relief for more information. This may well be helpful in curbing the symptoms of acid reflux and hiatus hernia.
Types of female orgasm
While the male orgasm appears to be comparatively straightforward, there has been much debate over a period of many years about the nature of the female orgasm, and whether different types of female orgasm do in fact exist. As a man, knowing how to make a woman come, you may have observed such differences.
Of course, the starting point of this debate was Freud’s doctrine that a clitoral orgasm, that is to say an orgasm achieved by means of continued clitoral stimulation, was a sign of emotional or sexual immaturity.
For Freud, the transfer of sexual responsivity from the clitoris to the vagina was a transfer that signaled emotional and sexual maturity.
However, Kinsey and his colleagues challenged the conventional Freudian view of female orgasm by pointing out that the vaginal wall was comparatively insensitive, an observation from which they concluded that the distinction between vaginal clitoral orgasms was a biological impossibility.
Does this matter if you want to make a woman come? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps skill and love are what really count ….and time and patience. And respect for a woman – for whom her man’s ability to make her come may be sacred.
Want To Make A Woman Come? Watch This!
This is a rather unexpected finding, since few women today would agree that the internal vaginal walls are comparatively insensitive.
In what may be an example of how the first opinion raised on a subject influences subsequent opinion, Masters and Johnson develop the theme of sexual orgasm in a woman being achieved only through stimulation of the clitoris. Men who have experimented with how to make a woman come will know that this may not be the only way!
The work of these researchers led inevitably to the conclusion that was only one type of female orgasm, a position which is becoming less and less credible, as more and more men find different ways to make a woman come, to produce the female orgasm with clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation.
Evidence continues to accumulate that there are fundamentally different types of female orgasm.
For example, research has discovered that female students draw a clear distinction between orgasm experienced during vaginal intercourse and orgasm which was caused by direct clitoral stimulation whether they were masturbating or sharing sexual activities with their partner. So, men, prepare for all the different ways in which you may be able to make a woman come and enjoy them all!
Other scientists reached the conclusion that there were two female orgasm patterns which could potentially combine in a variety of orgasmic outcomes. Again, men who want to know how to make a woman come may find it helpful to know about the different ways of producing female orgasm.
You need to know about his if you’re man who wants to make a woman come: in his terminology, vulval orgasm is an orgasm that is reached through stimulation of the clitoris, either directly or indirectly, and which produces vaginal contractions.
The uterine experience produces deeper emotional reactions and might or might not involve vaginal contractions. This might be the result of uterine buffeting by the penis which can occur during deep vaginal penetration during sexual intercourse.
This type of orgasm, which appears to be more emotional, might have been missed in the observations made by Masters and Johnson because of the difficulty of obtaining appropriate an psychological environment in the laboratory. I mean, it isn’t easy for a man to make a woman come when they are being examined in a laboratory!
In some ways this created view fits with the experience of many couples, where a vaginal orgasm is the result of regular rhythmical stimulation of either or both of the G spot area and the uterine wall around the cervix.
Indeed, the most recent developments in the field of female orgasm research focus on the stimulation of the G spot.
Although there has been limited research into the different types of female orgasm, there is much evidence that orgasm produced by stimulation of the anterior vaginal wall and orgasm produced by stimulation of the clitoris actually have different patterns of uterine and pelvic floor muscular contractions. So men, prepare for a new idea around the way men can make a woman come – using either vaginal and / or clitoral orgasms!
What is very clear is that Freud’s manufactured description of the maturity and immaturity of a woman’s sexuality being determined by the type of orgasm that a woman experiences is complete nonsense. Any man who has made a woman come will know this.
In what may be a derivation of this line of thinking, though, it’s been suggested that women who rely on vaginal intercourse to produce orgasm rather than direct clitoral stimulation may have more anxiety, or maybe inclined to reach orgasm this way so as to avoid the more intense sexual excitement that perhaps would be threatening to them.
Just to prove that truth really is stranger than fiction, when I typed intimacy and thrush into Google, I came up with you question on Yahoo answers where a woman with thrush is asking for help from the community.
Bizarrely she had thrush, complete with discharge, and was still enjoying sex with her boyfriend, the point of the question being: “Oh my god I’m so embarrassed he must have noticed the discharge on his cock, and although we were only together for two months, and still so embarrassed. What can I do to get over the embarrassment?”
Well my answer might be a bit cynical, but I would suggest don’t have sex when you’ve got cottage cheese coming out of your vagina.
Even more bizarrely, one of the answers, which you might cynically suggest was just another woman being very supportive feminine problem says something like: ” I’m sure he didn’t even notice, and if you did perhaps he thought it was semen or natural vaginal discharge”.
It’s hard to imagine people being so naive about sex and intimacy, although it does put into context and explanation why Chlamydia is so common, and affects so many people.
Even in this day and age, where sexual information is freely available on the Internet and in many other places, it would appear that there are people around who are incapable of protecting themselves from the consequences of their own actions, and indeed others who are incapable of protecting themselves from the consequences of others’ actions.
As far as I’m concerned, the moral of this story is, don’t have sex if you have a vaginal yeast infection, get an effective treatment and wait until it’s clear.
There are a couple of more rational answers, the first of which pointing out that if they were having sex in such a situation they didn’t really know enough about sex to be qualified to engage in it, in other words the to condom was absolutely essential and they should’ve been using it.
The second answer in this vein is one that suggested if they were comfortable enough in open enough to talk about such issues, then they shouldn’t have been having sex anyway.
The Tao of Badass is a revolutionary program for men, written by a guy called Joshua Pellicer.
It’s a program which purports to be able to boost men’s confidence through using psychological strategies and techniques to increase their social skills, enabling them to approach women, and allowing them to establish relationships, or, if that’s what they’re looking for, to enable them to seduce women for one night stands as often as they wish.
The obvious question is: “Does it work?”
Well, that’s an interesting question. Over the years, the “pickup artist” community, or so-called “seduction community”, on the Internet, has put forward both many sex and relationship gurus and many online programs for sale.
Neil Strauss has a lot of salient and important things to say about the seduction community, which I could sum up, perhaps, by saying that he describes the activities of the men in this community in a way that makes them sound like a bunch of scared little boys!
And of course, in one sense they really are scared little boys, because any man who was feeling masculine and strong, and who had a great deal of confidence with women, would not be looking to a so-called seduction community, and Internet forums, or an online program, to develop enough confidence to go out with women.
He would simply be doing it.
So I’m not belittling or denying the need for information for men to gain skills in dating and sexual seduction, what I’m saying is there that is a question over whether or not an online community on the Internet is the place where these skills are best acquired.
Having said all that, what’s different about the Tao of Badass is that it has a certain level of authenticity and plausibility about it that some of these programs lack. The Tao Bass is based on strong psychological principles, and whether you think there are manipulative or not is irrelevant — they work.
Human nature being what it is, there are always been people in every generation who have identified the skills and techniques that are necessary to manipulate the behavior of others. A very good example of this would be the skill of con merchants and con artists, who undoubtedly have an unerring ability to spot the “mark”, as the target is known, and then to swoop into “the kill”, using certain strategies and techniques that will be known to anybody who’s fallen prey to a conman!
Obviously supreme confidence is one of the most important techniques are hallmarks of con merchants when they approached the “mark”, and so it is for a man who was attempting to to seduce a woman.
You see, the thing is women like confidence more than any other attribute or quality in Amman. Any man therefore who lacks confidence, approaching women can be difficult or challenging, and any set of skills that he can get that help him to do this will clearly be to his advantage. Using the techniques of psychoneurology, neurolinguistic programming, and hypnosis,
Joshua Pellicer has set out a program which actually gives sound and reliable information to men who want to seduce – and even more importantly, perhaps, simply talk to women.
Whether this is “manipulation” is open to question. What I can tell you is that the reports of men in my therapy group who have practiced these techniques strongly suggest that the techniques can be really helpful in boosting confidence and overcoming that difficult and awkward moment where you can approach a woman and realize that actually you have nothing to say.
Now, having said that, the question is – what sort of woman you going to be able to seduce using a set of techniques and tips drawn from as pre-programmed strategy guide that many other men have bought (and presumably used)?
Well, I think that’s a patronizing viewpoint, because every relationship has to start somewhere, and we all find the person who is ideal for us in terms of our equivalent level of social skill, knowledge and experience.
The Tao Of Badass
One of the things that guys looking for a relationship tend to overlook is that most women are just as insecure and lacking in confidence as they are, and so to shift the focus of attention from the man to the woman may be very helpful in an producing a shift in internal perception and belief about his strength capacity and masculinity in a relationship.
My suggestion to you is that if you’re a man who’s got a fear of intimacy, then overcoming the anxiety associated with approaching women can be really quite challenging — I think that’s another place where a strategy and set program of techniques such as the dao of badas can be really helpful.
It’s not that it’s going to sustain your way through a relationship, but it’s certainly going to make the initial approach to a woman much easier.
After all, we are all social creatures, and we all need interaction with other human beings. Experiencing a fear of intimacy that keeps you apart from people and deprives you of a healthy sex life is a very deeply depressing experience, and so, yes, I have to say that I support programs such as this one.
No wonder that people fear intimacy! I mean when you think about it, being intimate with another person, whether physically intimate or emotionally intimate, is one of the most demanding and challenging things that a human being can do.
Ironically, however, being in a relationship, which by its very nature requires intimacy of this kind, is also one of the most natural thing is that a human being can do.
So how is it then, we have ended up in a situation where so many of us fear intimacy, when it’s such a natural and satisfying state of being?
The problem seems to lie in the fact that our brain is so adaptable, and that we are born with the capacity to learn so much about ourselves and society, rather than depending on pre-established patterns of behavior as many animals do.
Our great capacity for learning from our environment in childhood is probably in a way our downfall; for although we may be programmed to accept intimacy, and even to search it out, and perhaps also dependent on it for our growth, the truth is that good quality intimate relationships are hard to come by.
And nowhere is this more true than in childhood, where most parents are inadequately supported and perhaps inadequate in their own parenting skills.
Whether or not this is the product of our Western way of life, as opposed to a more traditional society in a village environment such as less-developed societies in Africa, say, is not really the point here. For some reason, we have ended up in a situation where our children are brought up in an environment that deprives them of the support of many people, and where, in general, they are dependent on the vagaries of a small number of caregivers — and in the case of single mothers, where the situation is compounded when neither of parent nor child can get away from the intensity of the relationship, be it good or bad.
In such a situation, mistrust and betrayal are all too readily available, in fact they may be said to be the common currency of the relationship.
And it is trust, more than any other single thing, that allows us to engage in into the process of connection with another human being (or to shy away from it, fearful of the harm that may be done to us by somebody to whom we have connected betraying our trust or breaking our intimate connection).
Because, when you think about it, our fear of intimacy is based on the presumption that our intimacy will be lost, or that we will be betrayed in some way. If this were not the case, we would engage in intimate relationships with no fear, no anxiety, and no prospect perhaps of breaking up — at least, if the relationship did break up, it would not be the emotionally devastating event that so many people in our society currently find separation to be.
So in the presumption therefore that all things go back to childhood, and that the trust (or otherwise) that a child can invest in both himself and in those around him in later life, so as to be able to form deep emotionally and physically rewarding relationships, my suggestion would be that if you are having problems you engage in some form of therapy that is going to be helpful to you in overcoming these historical issues. Shadow work is one form of therapy my clients have found to be particularly effective and therapeutic in this respect. So is emotional freedom techniques or EFT. If you wish to find out more about EFT training you can get the information here.
But there is more to fear of intimacy than simply a lack of trust, or betrayal, in childhood. For as many of you will know, forming an intimate relationship, or rather not forming one because of the fear of intimacy, is very often based on high level of anxiety.
When one analyses what that anxiety is about, the sad truth is that more often than not, one finds that it is often actually about the prospect of a sexual relationship. Why, then, would sexual relationships be so threatening to an individual that they avoid intimacy of any kind?
After all, a good relationship that has built gradually, can build up to sex in a way that is nonthreatening. So my assumption is that anybody avoiding a relationship because they have a fear of sex must have a very high level of anxiety about the prospect of engaging physically with another person – anxiety that is so high that they have been traumatized in some way in their own history. To assist in overcoming sexual problems which may play a part in generating a fear of sex, I have produced some videos on various sexual dysfunctions that can be a cause of anxiety - see one on causes of delayed ejaculation and one on treatment of delayed ejaculation here.
Child abuse, in particular sexual abuse, is but one possibility here, and there are many more: anything, I think that leads to an individual losing trust in other people can be a cause of failing to form good quality relationships — or indeed any relationships — as an adult.
What is the cure for this problem?
So what is the kind of therapy best applied to fear of intimacy? Well I think the answer to that is that any therapy with an extremely good therapist who is qualified to deal with deep issues of trust and abandonment, can work well for an individual and help overcome fear of intimacy.
My judgement is that the relationship formed must be meaningful and profound between therapist and client. You see, healing of wounds like those which produce a fear of intimacy — nearly always a breakdown of trust — is done best in a relationship of mutual respect and unconditional positive regard.
The healing really is in the relationship. How else, would somebody who had been damaged and relationship will learn how to trust again unless they were in a relationship where the trust was actually fulfilled? So what I’m saying is that to engage in the process of healing, and you may not necessarily need to bounce into a sexual relationship with another person, but you can certainly benefit providing a relationship with a therapist where you have the ability to engage and experiment with new behavior.